Monthly Archives: December 2016
1. The first time you hang out one-on-one (and yes, Netflixing counts).Nothing is more exciting than letting out all your pent-up crush energy on a first date. It’s almost as big a deal as your potential wedding day in terms of stories you’ll have to tell over and over. PRO TIP: Don’t bring up potential weddings on the first date.
2. That first awkward, nervous pause right before your first kiss. Your first kiss says, “I like hanging out with you, but I also want to make out with you all the time. Let’s take this to the next level.”
3. The first time you bone. Well, hopefully your first time was a great moment. And if not, you’re a very selfless person for sticking with them.
4. The first time you stay the night instead of abruptly peacing-out like Cinderella the second it hits 2 a.m. Especially if you usually run off into the night immediately after coitus. Well, maybe hobble into the night while trying to put on your pants is a more apt description. My point is, your first sleepover is a big deal.
5. When you did nothing in bed together and it was amazing. The first time you do this, it’s cute and romantic. The 90th time you do this, you’re codependent agoraphobics. But when you can literally spend all day sharing a tiny square together and doing nothing else, you’ve got something good going.
6. The moment you realize their family could also be your family (and you’re OK with that). Some people have stupid families. So it’s a relief when you meet your partner’s and you actually feel at home. Getting along with their family instead of feeling awkward and intimidated is great.
7. When picking your partner up at the airport felt like the best moment in the world. Spending time apart (however long) is rough, but getting to see each other again makes it all worth it. All right, maybe it would’ve been better to not be apart in the first place.
8. Buying a second toothbrush to keep at their house. You’re basically saying, “I’m coming over whenever I want so you can never cheat on me.” But also, you know, that you love spending time together.
9. When you had an insane fight, but you knew you never wanted to break up. At first glance, this might not seem like this should be labeled a “best moment.” But it’s fights like these that make you realize you really want to try to make this relationship work. Also, yo, makeup sex.
10. When you accidentally blurted out “I love you” and waited to hear them say it back. In the history of mankind, no two people have ever said “I love you” and then not fumbled through a conversation afterward. Your first declaration of love is always followed by an “I mean…” while you stare at your partner and hope they say it back before you punch out the nearest window and cut your jugular with a shard of glass.
11. When you went on a couples vacation that still feels like one of the high points of your relationship. Even if it’s just an overnight trip, it beats the family trip you took to the Grand Canyon with your parents a few years ago.
Understanding the causes and effects of workplace stress is important to developing strategies for change. The critical component of any stress management program is the belief that alternatives exist. Feeling trapped and without choices, is perhaps the greatest stressor of all.
There are two ways to approach stress management in the workplace. You can reduce environmental stressors in the workplace and/or change your response to this stress. Discussing your concerns and suggestions with a supervisor often yields positive results.
My suggestions for change include:
- Be appropriately assertive and don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and limits; say no when necessary.
- Recognize that stressful situations often result from someone else’s inefficiency and tendency to manage by reactive, crisis techniques rather than proactive postures.
- Personal problems can cause individuals to function in an unhealthy way. In these situations, recognize that you did not cause the problems and are not responsible for their consequences. Seek support from others in order to clarify your position and avoid being a scapegoat.
- Practice relaxation skills and avoid using unhealthy escape mechanisms such as alcohol or drugs. Exercise is an excellent way to deal with stress and the biochemical effects of tension and pressure. Take a brisk walk at lunch or exercise regularly after work.
- Become more efficient with your time and learn to avoid “time-wasters” such as unnecessary phone calls, “drop-ins”, and gossiping. Strive to maintain a focus and agenda, and be a leader who is committed to keep things moving during meetings.
If your stressful workplace situation is unchangeable, and the toll it is taking on you is too great, then seeking options of other employment may be necessary. Changing jobs for the right reason is nothing to be ashamed of and may lead to a much healthier situation in the long run.
1. No more fumbley, weird “I don’t even know what you like” first-time sex. That’s not to say that boyfriend sex is fool-proof but your odds of having someone accidentally pull your hair because their stupid elbow was on it go down by a lot.
2. He can not reply to your text and you won’t go into a panic attack shame spiral wondering if he’s ghosting. You can say “he’s probably just busy” and know for a fact that yes, that is why. It’s like having an oxygen tank at all times.
3. You always have someone to zip up the back of your dress so you don’t have to do that weird acrobatic arm thing. Even if it is probably good for your deltoids or something. It still blows.
4. You always have someone to split food with for those days when you feel like ordering like a monster but then remember you have a normal human stomach. And then on days when you somehow have a superhuman stomach…
5. You have twice the food always. Oh what’s that? You’re not hungry? Guess who is? It’s me!
6. No more Tinder dates to run screaming from while wearing shoes that are really hard to run in. Plus, no after-work drink dates means you can actually get through the work week without a hangover from hell. Hello, productivity and a general lack of nausea.
7. You can do any embarrassing thing on the planet and he will still think sun shines out of your butt. Which it honestly could. You don’t know. You can’t see down there.
8. You finally at long last have someone to suffer through family dinners with. There is no better feeling than kicking your boyfriend under the table when your grandad straight up starts eating that huge bowl of gravy with his own spoon.
9. You get to double date with your friends aka you get to spy on you friends’ boyfriends to make sure they’re good enough. And run over the data you have learned with your boyfriend to make sure you didn’t miss any #facts.
10. There will always be someone to like your selfies. You can now post freely without fear of Zero Likes.
11. You automatically have approximately 40 percent more space in your brain because it’s not begrudgingly focused on meeting The One. Obviously this much of your brain isn’t focused on that but jesus christ, sometimes it feels like it’s supposed to be and it’s exhausting.
Texting also gives us peace of mind. I carry my phone with me on my nightly walks with our dog and text him once or twice during the walk, sending a photo of a particularly gorgeous moon or asking him to feed the cat. He texts me when he arrives safely at work in the morning and again when he leaves for home in the afternoon, giving me an estimated time of arrival. I text him when I drop off the kids at school in the morning and let him know my plan for after school. And so it goes. It’s not only about safety, it’s about connection — feeling as if our family is together, even when we’re in our various pursuits.
And yes, we even text each other from different rooms of the house. If that sounds like a warning sign of a bad relationship or an addiction to tech, let me explain: We have two young children who fill our days (and nights) with chatter and stories of their own. In the evenings, we collaborate to get them to bed. We text each other while we’re getting them bathed and in bed, when they are capable of doing everything themselves but still require some supervision. Even though we’re in the same house, the many tasks that are involved in family life means that we aren’t usually face-to-face and alone until after 9 p.m. at night. By that time, there are few details of each other’s day that we don’t already know. I feel as if I had been sitting in his middle school classroom while he taught math, I know what traffic was like both morning and afternoon, even what he had for lunch. He knows about my writing deadlines, has received links to my newest published piece, and knows how much coffee I had in one of my writing sessions at the coffee shop. We are together even when we are apart.